*DING DING*
Life is crazy sometimes. One day you can be shopping for baby clothes, buying the last minute things you need before your little boys arrive, including some pretty sweet fox pants that they probably don't need, and the next day you can can the second worst phone call of your life. I thought hearing the words, "Emily, you have cancer" was bad enough the first round, but hearing the words, "Emily, the cells found are the same from the original breast cancer" by far surpasses the initial diagnosis. Recurrence. Shit. Apparently God must think I'm pretty tough because now I have to fight this again.
Rewind a few days ago I've been only able to sleep on my right side, it's the most comfortable being 35 weeks with twins and I woke up with a stiff neck, thinking I slept on it wrong, the area was a little swollen. I had Chad feel around and nothing felt crazy, but me being the Li Fraumeni hypochondriac opted to contact my breast surgeon and get in. She felt around and decided the "better safe then sorry" option and ordered an ultrasound, which led to a biopsy.
Like everything the anticipation was the worst part, the Radiologist was AMAZING with numbing up the area, and soon he was getting the samples he needed, followed by inserting a clip to mark the node. The appointment wasn't very long, and I left with an ice pack and some steri-strips to keep things from bleeding too much.
That was Friday.
He said he'd call me today (Saturday) sometime with the results. The first time around I got a call at 10:30AM with the shitty news, this time while I was nervous more time was passing, so I figured it was a good thing.
Lesson learned.
I cried. Chad cried. We called our moms and rounded up the family to come over.
I don't handle uncontrolled situations very well, and knowing that they can't really do anything until the boys make their arrival was scary, because we all know that the sooner it's taken care of the sooner I can move forward with my life. I contacted my OB who moved up my c-section to this coming Wednesday. So one good thing out of this is we get to meet our little monsters a few weeks earlier then we thought.
From there I hope to have the lymph nodes removed, more than likely have a port put BACK in (damn), probably do a few rounds of chemo, rock a bald head for a while and do what I have to do, because besides having my family as my reason to fight, my sweet baby boys need their mom.
You know the crazy thing in all of this, they say dogs can sense cancer, labor and all sorts of things. The hubs and I were under the impression that maybe they were predicting I was going to to into labor....I guess they maybe knew something else because this is how they have been the last week. Every where I go, they go, they smother me, love me and won't leave me alone....I guess I know why now:
Please send lots of cancer kicking positive juju to myself because I do not intend on going anywhere anytime soon. Besides, the boys need someone to embarrass the hell out of them when they are teenagers.
I'm going to have my moments, but like I always do I will pick myself up, dust myself off and do EVERYTHING I have to do.
Following your posts for such a long time, we know that yes, you're pretty tough.
ReplyDeleteBut of course you didn't need a recurrence to learn this about yourself. You'll be dealing with twins in a few days, that's more than plenty of work for a loooong time!
Try to focus on Wednesday and to come up with plans to embarrass the boys when they're teenagers.
You can start immediately - how about posting some pictures here when they're "up for it"? :)
Take care. Wednesday is almost here!
All the best......
OMG. I just read this and feel terrible. Kelly is going through this now and I feel awful for her as well. Life is weird, ugly and beautiful at the same time. Don't let this ruin your pregnancy. You know when I was let go from my last department, I felt defeated, I felt unappreciated and most of all a failure. What I have learned from all of this is that life is mysterious and beautiful. We all perceive life in different ways. To some life is full of demons, and to some life surrounds us with angels. I know that you are surrounded by angels that look over you and your boys. I know that opportunities can be once in a lifetime. But it is how we use those opportunities to live life to its fullest. Others may look up to you because of this. This gift is something that many take for granted. To some others may only recognize this gift when it becomes relevant to them. Emily, you have a gift right now and that is your boys that you will bring into this world. Cherish that like there is no tomorrow. This cancer thing can take a back seat right now why you are on the front seat to bring two miracles into this world. Then and only then will you fight this cancer thing because you did it once and will do it again. I myself have to find myself as I look into the job world and try and comeback from a set back with my last job. My last employment as you know did not see me for who I am. I am a father that loves his family, his friends, and his country. You and Kelly will be my motivation to make it into the police force. Both of your positive energy will help remind me of who I am as a person. Stay positive and give those two boys a warm welcoming into this world of beauty. Your a fighter and a survivor and never forget that.
ReplyDeleteI was introduced to your blog by a LLR lovin' customer of mine! While I was sitting wallowing in my own pity (my dad who's 80, who's lived a terrific life (all his words) will begin his cancer treatments on September 12. I fear the treatments will end his life but he is a fighter and I can only hope that at 80 I can be as strong! Your strength, your courage and your inspiration lift me up! Your positiveness will carry your load and will bring you strength through this next round of ass kickin sucky cancer and not to mention all the ups and downs that raising two baby boys! OMG, you're a rockstar! Stay positive, stay focused and do whatever you need to do to survive (cry, scream, kick). Love the heck out of those babies, snuggle them, hover over them, make them text you even when they ride their bikes a 1/2 mile down the road to their grandparent's house! I do that now as I watch my oldest turn 15! He hates it by the way! And "be the cool mom" at their teenage parties... that will get them for sure! May your journey be blessed by God and may he give you the strength you need to beat this once and for all!
ReplyDeleteRooting for you and your boys, Emily. xxx
ReplyDeleteGod never give us more then we can handle! You got this cuzzy!! Im super happy yur bous are on the way soon!! Post lotsa pics sweetie and ill be praying for a speedy recovery!!
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