No I'm not pregnant. Wish I could say that but instead the hubs and I are facing a much more difficult battle for us right now.
I have breast cancer. To be technical its Stage 2 Invasive Ductal Carcinoma.
Yup. I. Have. Breast. Cancer. I feel like the more I say Breast Cancer the more I will feel comfortable with it, but it still stings every time I say it. The news completely scared the crap out of me and the hubs when we found out...and maybe a little bit still.
A few weeks ago I found this lump in my breast and asked the hubs if he could feel it because I wasn't sure if it was something that I really needed to go in for. He told me right away that I should check it out with my mom (wise words). The next day I saw my mom and she told me to find a doctor to go to right away. At first I scheduled an appointment with a doctor that I couldn't get in for about 6 WEEKS!! I scheduled the appointment just in case I couldn't find something else sooner, but once I told my mom about it she told me to look around for someone else. I found this great OBGYN near my house and got in two days later and found out that it was probably just a cyst but that she would recommend me to get a mammogram and possibly an ultra sound just to be safe. Within a week of that news, I was at the West Allis Women’s Pavilion in Wisconsin and taking care of business. The doctors came back and told me that the cyst appeared to be a "complex cyst" and they would want to biopsy it because it looked suspicious and wanted to be on the safe side.
Mean while, in between all of these appointments I was freaking out....frankly from the very moment I felt the lump I didn't have a good feeling. Something in the pit of my stomach was saying it wasn't going to work out to my advantage. I wasn't sleeping well. Granted being a third shifter is hard enough to sleep during the day, add on the stress of not definitively knowing yet, along with being nervous and scared definitely wasn't helping the situation.
So, this past Monday I had a biopsy scheduled, which wasn't bad at all. The doctor numbed me up, took a few samples and I was out in less than 20 minutes. The absolute worst part was the anticipation. Literally the prep time took longer and there was no pain at all! The West Allis Women's Pavilion does all their testing in house, so they get their results back the next day, so the doctor got my personal phone number and told me he'd be calling me between 10AM-2PM the next day but probably around noon to expect a call.
I woke up to my phone ringing the next morning at about 10:30AM and I answer half asleep. The doctor says "Emily, you have cancer". Those words will never leave my mind for the rest of my life. I seriously felt like I was kicked in the gut and I couldn't breathe. Once I calmed down some, which wasn't much, the doctor gave me a number for a surgeon and to get in contact with her to move forward. I immediately called my mom and frantically told her and she asked me if she wanted me to come over. I told her she didn't have to (I knew she was at work) and that the hubs was off of work that day. About 20 minutes later she called and said she was on her way. I felt bad that she had to leave work, but comforted knowing my mom was going to be coming over.
Made the phone call and now I have an appointment scheduled for this upcoming Monday with what I call the "dream team" which includes the surgeon, an oncologist and a radiologist, who are going to go over all my reports and let me know my options, which are a lumpectomy with 6 1/2 weeks of radiation or a mastectomy.
One absolute positive thing in all of this negativity is that apparently I tested positive for estrogen and progesterone which means my chances of going through chemo are very slim!!!
Two weeks ago the hubs and I were talking about having kids later this year and now, completely unexpected; we're talking about me having the possibility of a mastectomy. Kids won't be in our immediate future at this time, which bums me out, but I can only hope that in the future!
Another weird part of this whole thing was that I was told that I could possibly have had this for 6+ years ( I have breast exams and this was never found either)...I'm only 27 years old, so that means that I've had this lump since I was 21 YEARS OLD! That just seems unbelievable. I think even having breast cancer at 27 seems kind of young, but to imagine that I've possibly had this uninvited guest for 6-ish years...mind boggling. Oh and to add, no family history on either side. Someone please explain this one to me?! I guess you have to start somewhere?
I've also never had surgery before. The worst thing was a cut on the bottom of my foot or a fractured finger when I was in high school. The cut healed on its own and the same with the fracture.
That's where I'm at right now. I'm so up and down and at times it's really hard to believe that I have breast cancer. I HAVE BREAST CANCER. I keep asking, "why me?", "what did I do to deserve this?" I keep trying to see a positive in this, but all I really want to do is get this damn thing out of me ASAP! I still can't believe this...
We are extremely blessed to have such a strong support system around us of friends, family and co workers who have our back and are willing to help if we need it!! As nervous as I am, I plan on kicking this breast cancer right in the ass and getting it out!!
The hubs and I are spending this weekend with friends and family to keep our minds off of the upcoming stress...
And to only think if I wouldn't have looked for another OBGYN to get this whole thing started, I still wouldn't have gone to my initial breast exam...definitely a scary thought.
Send me and the hubs some love and prayers!!