Chemo #2 & I'm Losing My Mind...and My Hair!

I'm no super hero, I'm going to be honest my first chemo completely kicked my ass.  I always try to put on this brave face, like none of this is affecting me or bothering me, but it does.  I am emotionally and physically drained.

I was so nauseous that even thinking of some foods made me want to puke, but I knew puking wouldn't help, so I didn't.  On top of the nausea, I was tired.  And not the I only got five hours of sleep and now I have to work kind of tired, its the kind of tired where I literally slept for three days, minus about an hour each day and even the thought of getting up to get something or go to the bathroom exhausted me.  I finally started to get my appetite back and got rid of my pukey feeling about seven to eight days after my treatment.  Perfect.  I only had a few days of feeling "normal" before I'd be out for the count again.

I was actually getting sick the day or two before my next chemo and dreading it because I was anticipating how many days I was going to waste sleeping and feeling sick.  The day of my next chemo I put on my big girl pants, sucked it up and went in.  The hubs and I were celebrating his birthday the night before with family so I was a little "tired" (which probably helped my anxiety the morning of) because we were having a few cocktails with them.  Yes.  I know that chemo+alcohol=not the best mix, BUT that Monday night I hadn't felt that good in a VERY long time and well frankly they were going down nice.  I thought that would be the end of me and I would be feeling it with my treatment, but surprisingly I didn't and I also decided to try things different this time around.  I put on an anti nausea patch the morning of my treatment, where I didn't the last time, and took a Claritin to help with my headaches.  Both of which helped HUGE with my nausea in the following days.  I also was NOT nearly as tired this time around and got my appetite back quicker then I did the last time.  I am going to contribute that to the cocktails I had the night before...I mean the anti nausea patch and the fact that I think my body is adjusting to the chemo meds.

The ONLY complaint that I have is my head hurts.  It's not the headache type of hurt, it literally feels like I have bruises all over my head.  It hurts to touch it, wearing a hat is almost unbearable at times and sleeping has been terrible.  My pillow cases even hurt my head.  I woke up two days ago and scratched the back of my head and realized that I had a good chunk of hair in my hand.  I started to rub the parts of my head that didn't hurt nearly as much and was getting hand fulls of hair each time.

I asked my favorite infusion nurse Lara if it's normal for the amount of pain I'm having on my head and she hasn't heard anything to my extent from other patients.  Go figure. My luck.  Before my hair started to fall out, I, for some reason was under the impression that it either A. Wouldn't hurt when it fell out. and/or B. Would all fall out at one time like petals on a flower. (All at once)  I can dream right?

This is what my head looked like the first day I started to officially lose my hair:

My hair line by my forehead is definitely thinning....

Nice crop circle hey?  I didn't realize I was doing it but I was actually pulling out patches of my hair and that's the pattern I got.  Lovely. 

And drum roll please...on day two of my hair loss my head looks like a damn leopard....

The ONLY relief I get is when I wash my head with warm water.  I found that it helps the hair come out and relieves the pain, but tons and tons of my hair falls out.  Below is one example and I get about that much each time I rub my head...

This is what my head looked like after washing my hair on the end of day two.....

And...I had a total and complete melt down...I felt ugly.  It probably didn't help that it was the same day as mine and the hubs' six year wedding anniversary, he had to work, I got really nauseous and dizzy at my moms, then again once I got home, I feel deformed because my "boobs" I feel look awkward and now I have weird crop circles all over my head.  Frankly, I don't feel pretty, or like a woman, I feel like a damn alien.  But I reassure myself that this IS only TEMPORARY, and I should be grateful because there are many out there dealing with much worse than I.

This morning I woke up still feeling like crap.  I was so dizzy, nauseous and I just did NOT feel right.  I know chemo isn't supposed to make you feel normal, but this is unlike any feeling I have felt.  I called my doctor and they told me to come in and get some fluids, anti nausea meds and steroids.  Those combined with sleep and some food and I think I'm back to feeling good again.

Here is the finale of my three days so far of hair loss.  I took a shower tonight because my head AGAIN was throbbing so after one shower and washing my head three times:

So like I do with ALL my DIY projects:

Day 1:

Day 3:

It's kind of weird...being at this stage now of having blotchy crop circles all over my head and now my reverse Mohawk baldness going on, this is WAY more stressful and almost depressing then actually shaving it....if I only knew then what I know now.....

I'm just hoping I can be totally bald by this weekend.  At the rate that I'm losing it I'm thinking I'll look like Mr. Clean in no time! :)